I did my best to block versions of you out,

Escaping my reality for as long as I could,

But now looking in the mirror, I am faced with doubt,

I see, I’m exactly like you both the bad, and the good.

I love to shop and buy myself things I can’t afford,

I go on long drives with my music at full blast,

I clean the house ten times over when I’m bored,

And I have points on my license, for driving really fast,

Sometimes when dads away I sleep in your bed,

I put a pillow where you would be, and imagine your presence,

I remember the cuddles, movies days and words unsaid,

I remember feeling close to you,

I remember your essence.

Of course I know you’re still here, only a short drive away,

But things are different now, your eyes are glazed.

In the days i feel strong enough to pay you a visit,

We often disagree and you believe I’m complicit,

Complicit in conspiracy, plots against you,

I never did the things you said ,I still don’t know who told you?

Conversations on repeat a cycle that never ends,

Just know that I’ve not disappeared and things haven’t changed,

I love you truly, my first love, my mother and my best friend.

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