I did my best to block versions of you out,
Escaping my reality for as long as I could,
But now looking in the mirror, I am faced with doubt,
I see, I’m exactly like you both the bad, and the good.
I love to shop and buy myself things I can’t afford,
I go on long drives with my music at full blast,
I clean the house ten times over when I’m bored,
And I have points on my license, for driving really fast,
Sometimes when dads away I sleep in your bed,
I put a pillow where you would be, and imagine your presence,
I remember the cuddles, movies days and words unsaid,
I remember feeling close to you,
I remember your essence.
Of course I know you’re still here, only a short drive away,
But things are different now, your eyes are glazed.
In the days i feel strong enough to pay you a visit,
We often disagree and you believe I’m complicit,
Complicit in conspiracy, plots against you,
I never did the things you said ,I still don’t know who told you?
Conversations on repeat a cycle that never ends,
Just know that I’ve not disappeared and things haven’t changed,
I love you truly, my first love, my mother and my best friend.
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